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Showing posts with label narcissus in chains. Show all posts
Showing posts with label narcissus in chains. Show all posts

Tuesday, August 12, 2014

Narcissus in Chains Chapter Sixty Five

Dottie's chapter here 


"The room was black, utterly black, like being flung in to blindness, nothingness, a cave."


I could deconstruct this and go on and on about how it's one of the most inelegant, bland, cringe inducing sentences in all of literature, but I think the thing speaks for itself.

Some more shit about how the room is as darkity dark as LKH's gothic soul. A bunch of live bodies are hanging from the ceiling and Anita is stumbling around, bumping in to them. They're screaming and Anita tries crawling on the floor to get out from under. The floor is covered in blood. This is another scene that could be great if I gave a single shit about anyone or anything in this novel. As it is the only person I care about is Ulysses. It is a sad state of affairs when the only person I care about is a minor character I've met twice. Plus I only care about him because LKH is manipulating my emotions with the whole Ajax story. It's like she's trying to fuck me but doesn't understand that you can't approach a breast like you would a doorknob.



She's a bad writer, is what I am saying.



Anita is comforted by blood. She lies down in the puddle and lets it soothe her.


"Anita," Chimera said. "Anita, where are you?"

Why'd you let her loose in to the pitch black blind room cave of nothingness then, you fool?

"Great, he didn't know where I was. I wished I could think of something good to do with that information."

Seriously? Not one thing? Of course maybe I shouldn't be surprised, considering her whole plan (which everyone kept calling a palace revolt, by the way) is as thin as the glaze on a dime store doughnut.

When Anita encounters information that could be of great use to her, she does nothing. She is the protagonist of this novel.


The chained up men--who I assume are the kidnapped hyenas like Ajax and Dionysus--start prompting Anita to answer Chimera. This is all meant to be very spooky, I'm sure.

Holy shit you guys I just realized the true brilliance of this book. Its purpose is to so thoroughly kill your capacity for caring that you experience events the way Anita does, with absolutely no emotional investment. My god, it's a literary marvel.

Actually it's me desperately trying to assign meaning to something I've sunk so much time in to, don't mind me.


So basically Anita's plan is to lie very still in the dark darkity dark cave of blindness and wait for help to arrive. Our hero, everyone.

Yes, when faced with situations wherein they could be proactive, it's best to have your protagonist have a little lie down instead. Readers don't like it if your protagonists work any change on your marvelous creation. No, rather they'd prefer your heroine to be as passive as possible.


Chimera starts cutting pieces off of the bound hyenas in order to get Anita to answer him. There's screaming. Anita relents and speaks up, but only so she and Chimera can rehash the same dumb teh ebulz dialogue I've had to sit through twice now. Chimera is having a villain freak out because he doesn't understand why Anita cares so much. What?

TEACH ME THE POWER OF HEART, ANITA.



Anita cares about nothing. Nothing. Certainly not other people. Hell, in the last chapter she was once again rambling on about how she can't care about people she hasn't met before.

It takes Anita until now to realize that maybe Chimera isn't interested in keeping up his end of the bargain when it comes to letting Micah and Cherry go.

Everyone in this is so fucking stupid. I wish I had a funny analogy or a good meme or something but this level of complete idiocy is so exhausting I can't think of a picture that would encompass my disgust.


Well, that's a good start.

Anita literally has no idea what to do without access to weapons. Then we get this gem:

"You don't feel the need to talk, do you?" [Chimera asks]

"Not unless I have something to say."

"That's unusual in a woman. Most of them can't stand the thought of silence. They talk and talk and talk."


Is this meant to make me hate Chimera? Set him up as some sort of sexist frothwand so I can enjoy it when Anita inevitably triumphs over him in some utterly uninspiring way? Because it doesn't work if throughout your entire novel, the main characters themselves have said more or less the exact same things.

There's no contrast. At all. Nothing Chimera has done has been worse than what the supposed good guys have done. Putting people in the oubliette, shooting Elizabeth apart, dithering until Nate and Stephen (who even remembers at this point) were horrifically tortured, threatening to kill Gil basically for just existing, constant exoticizing and devaluing of women and people of color, the romantization of socipathy, I could go on. And I am supposed to think Chimera is a monster? Anita is a monster.


Chimera asks if Anita wants to see her leopard, then turns on the lights. NOW he turns on the lights? NOT WHEN HE WAS TRYING TO FIND ANITA IN THE DARK?

What is this book.

I mean, other than a potential source of small animal bedding.


See, wouldn't making this little guy happy be a better use for the pages? Hell, I'd rather read about a rat in a sweater.

Chimera helps Anita out of the body forest. He takes her over to an alcove covered with a white sheet, only to move the sheet aside DRAMATICALLY!!! to reveal Cherry. Cherry has a ball gag in her mouth and is chained to the wall. She's been tortured. Given that so far no one has challenged Anita's bullshit notions that BDSM and torture are the same, this sits poorly with me.

"The bigger man stroked the snake man's head, like you'd pet a dog that you liked a lot."

Chimera is petting the Native guy like a dog. 



Anita's plan still consists of stalling until help arrives. That's awfully optimistic.

There are guys chained to the wall all around, too. They're all attractive. Anita wonders how long it took Narcissus to collect them, because he's a sexually decadent predatory queer person. Because that's not a pervasive and harmful stereotype, or anything. Plus, Anita is the kind of person that stops to comment on the attractiveness of torture victims.


Chimera makes creepy comments about how he doesn't want to give Cherry back to Anita because they have so few women to play with. Apparently, Narcissus is afraid to allow women in to his pack because "...he's not woman enough to keep it." 



Chimera pulls back the rest of the curtain to reveal Micah, who is all beaten and bloody. For some reason. Even though Cherry has been healing her wounds and Micah hasn't, despite Micah supposedly being the bestest evah leopard that ever leoparded. I don't even know why I am still getting pissed over all of these tiny things when the entire novel has such massive flaws, but oh well here we are.

"Oh, I don't know, I enjoy rape, it adds spice."

See, here's a moment where I'm meant to be horrified but considering ANITA RAPED RICHARD IN THIS VERY SAME BOOK I DO NOT GIVE A FLYING FUCK IF THE BAD GUY IS ALSO A RAPIST. YOU ARE ALL RAPISTS. YOU ARE ALL BAD GUYS. And you know what? I don't give a fuck about the concerns of violent rapists. So watching two of them argue doesn't even do me the courtesy of being simply boring. No, it has to insult me by being offensive and cheap, too.


Now Anita realizes she can't rely on help coming.

Everything in this chapter is horrible. Everything. It makes no sense, it's offensive and tawdry, it's by turns boring and the kind of shit that deserves to be burned. Everything is once again out of order. Realizing she can't rely on the plan should be her first thought, not a realization she comes to halfway through the chapter.

Orlando is a closeted gay man. This is the reason for all of his hate.


LKH is like one of those demonic machines from a Stephen King story, but instead of mangling people she just churns out GOP propaganda. Guess Orlando should have just prayed the gay away.

Chimera stops midway through his bad guy speech and Anita realizes she can hear a fight downstairs. Thank god someone is doing something.

Chimera and Abuta, the snake man, back Anita up against the door. Anita randomly jumps to asking Chimera why he kidnapped all the shifter alphas. O...kay. He wanted to rule their groups apparently, though I am still not sure why he would even want to do so. I mean it doesn't have to be complicated. I have a villain whose motivations amount to, hang out with whoever will provide me with the most victims. But you have to show the reader something. 

Chimera changes in a way Anita has never seen before. She thinks flowers and Superman are appropriate analogies right now. Interestingly she compares Chimera to things and people generally considered positive. Hmm.


Turns out Orlando is all of the alphas. Also kind of a cool idea. Also totally wasted. Chimera shifts a bunch and a shitty fight scene starts.

"Chimera came at me like grace contained in violence..."

No shit, the ardeur rises.


Jean Claude wakes up under the Circus. The beasts come out of Anita. The ardeur is there. Chimera is afraid. Anita feels J.C's blood thirst and Richard's desire to eat flesh, because for some reason in this universe werewolves eat people. Chimera asks Anita "what are you?" all dramatic like. Anita presses him up against the wall. This is all stomach turning, by the way. Also I am not sure why a woman swaying her hips and stuff would scare a man who is currently a massive lion monster, but it's Anita so who knows.

Orlando's personality wants to die and Anita can tell this because she can do whatever the fuck she wants if it's convenient for the author.


Anita has a random vision of Richard being attacked by a werehyena and she can sense how much Richard wants to die. Probably because he's dealing with suicidal feelings after you raped him, Anita.

Anita gets tossed across the room. God, I hate this scene so much.

Anita finds the alcove with weapons in it and finds a silver sword. Lucky her. Abuta comes to attack her and she stabs him. "He said something in a language I didn't understand."

ABUTA IS FOREIGN GUYS. HE'S SOME KIND OF SOUTH AMERICAN SHIT, I DON'T KNOW. HAHA PEOPLE THERE ARE SO PRIMITIVE. HEY EVEN WHILE I AM BUSY KILLING HIM I'LL BE SURE TO TELL YOU HOW DIFFERENT HE IS.

I bet he'll leave a "dark" corpse.


Chimera starts cutting up one leopard or the other in retaliation. I'd still like to know how Chimera subdued all of these powerful shifters, by the way. Changing in to a bunch of different forms doesn't wash. These packs and pards have hundreds and hundreds of members.

Expecting sense at this point is a fool's errand.

Chimera wacks Anita, throwing her to the ground. Why he doesn't just kill her right there I don't know. He cradles Abuta because aww, he's sad his pet dog is dying. Anita can see that Cherry and Micah are both opened up. Intensities are out, chests are opened, whatever. There's torture porn. Moving on.

Anita panics and can feel Richard again because what this scene needs is more random confusing shit.

HE IS LYING THERE DYING AND SHE STILL CALLS HIM WEAK.

Both Richard and Micah are about to die. Anita calls something or other. She just calls it her power. "It was the worst thing I'd ever seen done and I didn't hesitate." The truly courageous thing to do would be to let them die instead of perpetuating some kind of atrocity. but I think we're long past that point.

Anita drains all of the power out of Chimera using her necromancy and feeds it to Micah and Richard, and thereby to the wolves and presumably the leopards.

"They were no longer dependent on Richard's broken will..."

So even though Richard has been raped by the protagonist and has innumerable other issues, merely breaking up Anita and Richard's relationship isn't enough. No, we must continue to assassinate his character to the point where it's truly disgusting. Also in case you weren't clear, Anita is better than stupid broken Richard. She's better than everyone. She's better than you.



"His [Chimera's] skin was like dirty tissue paper on skeleton sticks when I finally let him go."

Anyone know what a skeleton stick is? No? Just checking.

"Chimera was like a Twinkie with all the filling sucked out when I finally let him go." Not exactly the most terrifying thing you've ever heard, is it? Even then it would be more relevant because at least it would be food related.

Cherry and Micah are healed and they break their chains. Cherry is the size of a pony! You're telling me that not only do these people turn in to leopards, they turn in to pony sized ones? Yet these people can't even wipe their asses without Anita to help them.

The hyenas heal too. Well good, they're the only people I give even half a shit about. Richard comes in and refuses to shift and heal the rest of his wounds because, reasons. Then he leaves. Okay glad to know him showing up had a point.

Anita cries and everyone group hugs her. No really.




Narcissus in Chains Chapter Sixty Four

Dottie's chapter here 

My god, there's more. 


They all head for the club. Anita is letting Zeke hold her weapons.


After not being parted from her precious, precious guns for like a hojillion chapters, even when faced with a traumatized man whose lover is being held hostage begging her to put the guns down, now she's letting some mook werewolf hold them for her? A werewolf the fucking bad guy sent to her door?

They go up to the upstairs hallway, the all white and silver one from the beginning. They go to the Room of Swords where Nathaniel was being held before. Chimera is there, wearing a bondage hood and a business suit. That's...kind of awesome, actually.


..."Gina had a note under her shawl to slip to the hyenas. The note was from Bacchus, asking one of them to let him in the secret entrance. Apparently Chimera had never asked if there was a secret entrance to the club, so no one had told him."

Chimera is a fucking idiot then. If your story hinges on everyone being too stupid to breathe in and out, your story is probably shit.

Chimera is all,

1). My goodness who could have foreseen the abused woman who has every reason to hate me hiding something under her shawl in order to help the 'good' guys? Not me, because then I would be a competent villain!

2). Also if I were truly villainous I would make her strip and check all of her um, orifices before letting her go off with my mooks.

3). Not only are there four hundred (five hundred?) hyenas in this club (Narcissus has to be violating some fire safety rules with this, by the way) there's a secret entrance. And yet even with all of these resources they can't figure out how to kill twenty five usurpers and rescue their lovers. I mean everyone in this book is an incompetent shitbag anyway but this is a whole other level. I can't suspend my disbelief this far. I don't have enough hooks and my mind-ceiling isn't load bearing past a certain point.


There's a snake guy here who looks like he's about to propose marriage, he just loves Chimera that much. Anita deduces that the snakes must worship Chimera as a god, because that's what silly brown foreigners do. I mean, they'll just prop up any old bundle of sticks and call it god, right? What primitives.


Chimera and Anita go back and forth for awhile, blathering about who owns Micah and how long Anita has been Nimir-Ra. Chimera wants Anita to join his pard, so I guess he's a leopard as well as a whole zoo full of other critters.

Man, this panwere thing has such potential. Damn, it could have been so cool. In fact the plot of this book, such as it is, could have been quite respectable given the proper care and craft. The what could have been factor is what keeps me sort of obsessed with this series. All the love I might have felt has turned to hatred instead.


Chimera tells her he's just trying to unite everyone, man.

"I'm not sure torture and blackmail is the way to get it done."

That's as rich as foie gras and truffles, Miss Blake, considering the source.

Chimera is in pain. The snake man touches him with "dark" hands.


Chimera takes the hood off. Turns out Chimera and Orlando King are one and the same. Oh, don't remember who Orlando is? Why, he's the bounty hunter from earlier, mentioned all of one time. Le gasp. Teh horrorzzz.

THESE THINGS DON'T WORK UNLESS YOU TAKE THE TIME TO ESTABLISH THE CHARACTER THROUGHOUT THE NOVEL.

Who gives a sad little squirt about Orlando King? No one, because he hasn't been a force in this novel at all.


Turns out Orlando contracted lycanthropy on one of his hunts. After Orlando is infected with wolf cooties he decided he's going to go out in a blaze of glory, killing as many shifters as possible until one of them wins out and ends him. Orlando sounds like a dick, by the way.

Anita once again describes the snake guy as dark, because an actual person of color is just so fucking shocking to her she has to make extra sure we realize the guy has a lot of melanin and isn't that just so weird. 



So basically Orlando is too badass to kill, but dumb enough to get infected with like six strains of therianthropy in the course of his hunts. That sounds like it makes for a shitty bounty hunter, but what do I know?

Oh snap, here it is:

"They thought I was a god because I could take so many forms. They worshipped me..."

Hey, white guys. Indigenous people don't need you to worship, okay? It's like how a lot of white people want to attribute everything brown folk did to some kind of contact with 'civilized' whites, or aliens, or spirits, because fucking aliens showing up and helping the Mayans build their temples is easier to believe than a society of indigenous people being smart and capable enough to create their own culture. 

That's fucked up right? I mean, obviously so? I can't believe I have to explain this. And holy shit, you guys, NiC was published in 2001. You'd think it was published in the South during slavery days.


Ugh as if that wasn't enough, Orlando has a new personality to go with each animal form.


Anita calls Chimera crazy about a million times. Look, I'm not bothered by the word crazy. Whatever. As a mentally ill person it doesn't stick in my craw. But out of Anita's mouth, it's just offensive. Like literally everything else that spews from her noxious word hole.

"I looked up at Zeke and tried to tell him with my eyes that he should have told me that Chimera was this crazy."

He did. More than once.

The Chimera personality is in control now. Turns out he's the embodiment of Orlando's hatred and general sociopathy. Oh, gag.

Orlando's job was to "...kill other people, women as well as men." What a weird qualifier. I mean if you say people, don't we assume you're including women in that? I find it very telling that in an Anita Blake book, the audience needs to be told that "people" happens to include "women."


Anita is going with the just keep him talking strategy in the hopes that the hyenas are actually mobilizing and planning on doing something useful. Given their track record so far, that's a pretty terrible basket to put all your eggs in.

Chimera is teh ebulz and tells her he's done, oh, such horrible things. But it won't do to tell her about them, no. He must show her.

This is where I learn that they're not in the room yet, I guess, so they go in now.









Sunday, August 10, 2014

Narcissus in Chains Chapter Sixty Three


Zeke the werewolf comes in and tells them Cherry, the wereleopard nurse, is also "worse than dead" if Anita and Co don't listen to him. You'd think this would be more poignant if Zane was here telling them this instead of Zeke. Oh well, maybe the carrion birds got him. And you know, fed and fed and fed off of him. Until he was dead, and stuff.


Oh Anita has a white couch too. What a relevant and tension heightening detail! Anita thinks about how she'll shoot Zeke if he says the wrong thing, even though Zeke is massively outnumbered. Sure, why not.

"What do you want?" I asked." 

Is this asshole serious? I thought the stakes were already made pretty fucking clear, and it doesn't take a genius to realize that Chimera wants her to come back to the club.

"if I'd really been sane I couldn't have been calm..."

Again, no. Sanity and insanity are legal states of mind, used in a judicial context to determine level of culpability in the commission of crimes. Granted most people use terms like this as slang to describe someone who is just generally out of their tree, but even in that sense being able to compartmentalize when faced with something upsetting doesn't necessarily tell me anything useful about the sanity or lack thereof of the person in question. I'm extravagantly mentally ill but I've always been cool under pressure. It's only later that the consequences set in. Or what about people with military training? Or hey wait a second, people with police training, like Anita has? But no, her tendency to put emotions aside in moments of crisis must lead in to another little dribble about how she's obviously a sociopath (even though being a sociopath DOES NOT MAKE YOU INSANE).


Zeke reveals that Chimera believes Anita to be a panwere like himself, or a were that can take more than one animal form. Anita shoots him down with "not possible." Goddamit that's such an annoying personality trait. Asshole, you don't know what is and isn't possible. Who died and made you the queen of knowing things? Goddammit. 

Zeke wants to go fetch Gina from the car. Gina was mentioned like once or twice at the beginning of this travesty and that's it, so I'm fairly certain she's a wereleopard. I know nothing else. They don't want to let Zeke go out there because he might bring reinforcements, which is fucking dumb anyway because if he wanted that why not just lead the charge right from the jump? Zeke suggests sending Caleb and calls him by name. Oh gasp, oh horrors, Zeke and Caleb have some kind of prior relationship! I bet one of them raped the other. Or maybe they raped each other? It's an AB book it could go either way.


Gina comes to the door herself, effectively ending the blathering for a precious moment. She has a big shawl wrapped around her even though it's hot outside. Oh, prepare for drama.

Wait, hold on, Zeke is Chimera's "top goon" ? I pride myself on being able to translate LKH speak fairly well  but I am now completely lost. I don't remember half these people or their relationships to each other because I've been forced to consider the capacious nature of Anita's vagina for like fifty chapters instead of being introduced to characters who might matter later.

Of course, Gina has been tortured and shows up because Chimera wants to horrify Anita. She's naked under the shawl, because of course she is. Zeke finally lets us in on what there is of a plot, though it's basically taking reconstituted liver pills and calling them a meal. Chimera was never a crazy person before but now he's unstable and sadistic. Zeke wants Anita to help depose Chimera.

EVEN AFTER ALL OF THIS ANITA HAS THE FUCKING NERVE TO ASK ZEKE WHY THE WANT TO GET RID OF CHIMERA.


Oh my god, what the hell am I doing with my life? How is this a published book, let alone a very successful published book? Why am I chained to this desk reviewing these pieces of offensive trash? I should just...

NO I WILL FINISH WHAT I START!


Zeke is rational and reasonably articulate as he makes his case, leading Anita to say "you talk awful pretty for a goon."

Shut the fuck up you classist piece of trash. Oh and by the way you know what makes you a piece of trash? Your actions. The only things that truly matter when determining your worth as a person. Not your race, or what your job is, or your gender. Your actions. Which. are. fucking. horrible. Anita hasn't done a single redeemable thing in this entire novel. As we get close to the end I am becoming dangerously frayed by this unending bullshit. Seriously.


Zeke tells her to shove it, more or less, by pointing out that Chimera is keeping him trapped in wolfman form and the jobs for people who are obviously weres don't amount to much. So, Zeke showed up at Anita's door in wolfman form, in broad daylight (presumably). He had to get out in to the boonies somehow, so this tells me he made the drive from the club to Anita's place while shifted. What? Seriously. what?

Rafael is going to help and is coming on down with his guys. Bully for him. Zeke reveals that Chimera is behind the disappearances of the alpha shifters. The attempts at plot at this zero hour are roundly pathetic. They're the dying twitches of an eel with its head chopped off, just bleeding ineffectually all over your cutting board. Sorry LKH, there may be electricity flowing through this corpse but it's not coming back to life any time soon.

Turns out Jacob the werewolf cut a deal with Chimera, where he'd turn the pack over to Chimera if things went his way. THIS MAKES NO SENSE. Jacob has always been portrayed as wanting the pack for himself. Why the hell he would just hand it off to this stranger, I don't know.


Turns out Micah was supposed to get the leopards for Chimera too, for some reason. I don't know. I don't even know what is happening anymore. I don't think LKH does either. Apparently Micah realized that Anita was just too tough for Chimera to take, so he came up with the panwere lie to keep Chimera off their backs. So Micah has been trying to protect Anita and the leopards this whole time, even though he came in with bad intent. Whatever. I am all out of fucks to give.

Gina shows off her torture scars. Of course her breasts are still perfect, naturally, but her back is a mess of burns and marks. Well thank god her breasts are still pert and lovely.


Turns out this whole time Chimera had Violet and Gina, torturing them to keep Micah in line. This could be so good, if we hadn't taken up like 75% of the book with Anita's mind numbing relationship problems and the most prudish sex I've ever been forced to slog through.

Everyone agrees that Chimera needs to be stopped.

"Stopped hell," Bobby Lee said, "we need to kill his ass."

Bobby Lee, I'm sorry you're stuck in such a shitty book.







Thursday, August 7, 2014

Narcissus in Chains Chapter Sixty Two

Dottie's chapter is  here

They're apparently back at Anita's house. Bobby Lee goes to call Rafael, the wererat leader. Who by the way is the only Mexican in the story (you don't count, Anita). And he turns in to a giant rat. It's not that Mexican people shouldn't be portrayed as wererats, but if your people of color in fiction score is as abysmally low as LKH's is, it's not something you can get away with.

Caleb and Nathaniel look after Bacchus. Gil's only character trait is cowering, so that's what he does. Anita snarks inwardly about how she doesn't have time to "babysit" him. Asshole, you brought him to the scary club in the first fucking place because you are completely incompetent. But it's Gil's fault now.


Bacchus draws them a map of the club. Chimera is a total crazy person and is getting crazier. Where the hell are all the leopards, by the way? Shouldn't they be helping with this? Are they supposedly still out rescuing Violet or something equally stupid? Last chapter though Micah called up and told Anita everyone was okay so....they're just...gone? So we can feel some ghastly approximation of narrative tension? Ugh, don't make a blowup doll wiggle its limbs and tell me it's alive.

The doorbell rings and Nate goes to answer it. Anita tells him to check who it is first, necessitating a dumbass aside about how Nate is tough now because he knows not to just open the door anymore. Why'd you let Caleb answer the door earlier then? You know, when he let in all the snake people?


One of the werewolves that hangs out at Narcissus in Chains, Zeke, is at the door. Who the fuck is this guy? Am I supposed to remember him? Weirdly after sixty two chapters of bloated, incoherent nonsense I don't remember every minor asshole who decides to turn up.


Everyone gets out their arsenal of ridiculous weapons. Anita creeps up to the window to peek through the curtains, trying to verify if it's only Zeke out there. "On my knees I'm a lot shorter." No shit, you fucking genius.


Oh hey, remember I asked where Micah was? Zeke pushes a picture up to the window of a guy bound and tortured and it's Micah. So...this whole time Anita hasn't really worried about where he was? Hasn't tried to call him? I mean, you'd think that would be the first thing she'd do, considering werecreature leaders are going missing. Hm.


Bobby Lee says some bullshit about how cold and scary Anita looks. I am so over this. Jesus christ, okay, Anita is a badass. Are we done yet?

"He just went for the door and let the big, bad wolf inside."

That's actually a great line. Why do you do this to me, LKH?