This is my personal blog and does not necessarily reflect the collective views of Hard Limits Press

Tuesday, June 6, 2017

Dragon Age Chapter 24 is up!

Violets

Aislinn and Morrigan discuss Aislinn's fears, and Morrigan suggests hunting down Decadence

Tuesday, May 23, 2017

Cerulean Sins Chapter Thirty Four


 Time to open up my copy of Cerulean Sins:



Anita is spying on the dudes that were following her from before. They're at the Circus in the parking lot. These guys have hilariously poor vehicles for people trying to be stealthy, namely a blue Jeep and a gold Impala. That said I am not going to shit on this too much because at least it's some sensory info. These books often have floating head syndrome, where people are yammering at each other but there's not even the barest clue as to their surroundings. Or LKH tries and it turns into the room was green, green, green, curtains, bedding, green.


Basically, Anita finds these people suspicious because they are just sitting in their cars, without reading newspapers or drinking coffee. She feels most people don't sit in their cars doing nothing. I guess Anita has conveniently forgotten all the arguments she gets in, in her car, without drinking coffee or reading the newspaper.


You KNOW this shit is going to get fucky at any moment.

Anita keeps referencing Kasey Krime Stoppers. I assume this is something LKH made up and I have no fucking clue why its never come up before. Anita thinks they might be Renfields, or vampire servants that don't have any vampire marks. She's not sure though because "most Renfields aren't the brightest of people." 

1) Why not?

2) Even someone with a split open watermelon for a head can work out that when following someone, it makes good sense to not, you know, look like you're following someone. Changing your appearance a bit and changing out vehicles is some 101 bullshit.

Bobby Lee drops some truth: "how can you be friends with so many bloodsuckers, and still be so damned disdainful of them?"

THAT IS AN EXCELLENT FUCKING QUESTION. Imagine you have some trait about you that makes you a member of a target group. Now imagine you're friends with someone constantly referring to you with slurs, and acting like you're going to give in to your obviously dangerous nature at any second. Someone who routinely calls you a monster, and only pays attention to you when they want to get some sweet, sweet narcissistic supply from you.


Bobby Lee asks what Anita wants to do about the guys following her. For a split second she thinks he's referring to Asher and J.C. Apparently this is such an egregious lapse that it could get her "killed in a firefight."


Anita has a good sense seizure, where for a moment she realizes that the guys in the car could be dangerous and that she'd better focus so people don't get killed unnecessarily. YOU CAN'T FOOL ME WITH THIS, LKH.


She expresses her concern to Bobby Lee, but before he can say much Claudia turns up. She's wearing makeup. This is weird to Anita. She concludes that perhaps Claudia doesn't need makeup.

Okay. No one needs makeup. Beauty and worth are not determined by whether one uses makeup. I LOVE makeup. I have a huge stash of it. But that doesn't imply that I am so ugly I need to spend an hour on making my face into a beautiful transcendent canvas, or that ergo Claudia is so naturally beautiful she doesn't have to bother with all that feminine nonsense.


Claudia is only wearing a sports bra and jeans. This is apparently because Claudia is such a serious weightlifter that she has trouble finding shirts that fit. But don't worry. Claudia could "never be mistaken for masculine." There are only two genders! I'm not a bigot it's just biology! Women with muscles are disgusting! Make America Great Again!


I am a powerlifter and yes it can be challenging to find shirts and jackets that fit your arms and shoulders, but it is not so impossible that your only recourse is to swan around in your underwear.


Anita asks Claudia how her arm is. Somehow Claudia managed to regenerate it even though she'd been shot with silver bullets.

"One of my favorite things about hanging with the monsters is the healing. Straight humans seemed to get killed on me a lot, monsters survived. Let's hear it for the monsters." 

This is like that obnoxious white uncle who likes to assure you he has tons of black friends and therefore can't possibly be racist, whilst peppering his speech with liberal use of the N-word over Christmas dinner.


Anita babbles on about how the Circus has a hidden loft and an exposed catwalk and some lookouts or some shit I guess.

Bobby Lee references some plan that I am not entirely sure has been mentioned or discussed before now. It involves driving a car and Claudia is going to do it. Anita points out that Claudia doesn't look "normal" and tries to save her own ass by adding "no offense." Protip: no offense always actually means full offense.


Bobby Lee doubles down on the gender bullshit by assuring Anita all will be well with the following line: "she'll throw a shirt over the muscles, take out the ponytail, and look like a girl." 

Okay first off you fuckwagon, she IS a girl. She identifies female. Secondly, so she can get shirts after all? I know that's a minor detail but come on. In what world do people just walk around in the underwear?

Bobby Lee gets the lobotomized walking penis treatment: Anita, trying to point out that Claudia isn't harmless no matter what she wears, says in effect if she had to arm wrestle one of them she'd have better chances against him than against Claudia. Bobby Lee can't comprehend the meaning of this glaringly obvious statement, because his skull is just a bowl of custard slowly turning in the sun.


LKH is trying to do some female solidarity shit here but because she's a homunculus poorly shaped by the hands of a senile wizard holed up in a dank basement somewhere, she can't grasp what sexism actually is. It's not a man being so stupid he can't possibly comprehend female strength. It's not a man being this fucking dumb just because he's "spent most of his life being muscle." 


Finally, Bobby Lee understands when Anita asks if he really thinks Claudia, who is six six and built like a brick shithouse, is less intimidating than some random male wererat they could have drive the car instead. He says that most men are sexist enough that they would always find a woman less intimidating, no matter how big and ripped she is. I think I agree and disagree at the same time. Yes, men are constantly shitting on female strength. Sometimes I feel like every time a woman gets an amazing powerlifting or weightlifting record, the reaction to it goes something like this:

1) Accusations of doping, because the only way a woman could possibly leave men in the dust strengthwise is if they are on gear and,

2) Discussions of whether such a strong woman is still fuckable, as if anyone asked their opinions in the first fucking place


But, I also think a powerfully built, tall woman like Claudia could inspire more intimidation because she's daring to tread on poor fragile male toes by reminding them that they're not the end all and be all of strength.

Anita makes some comment about having breasts. I don't even know. Claudia says,

"give it up Anita...just give it up. They're men. They can't help it." 


They absolutely, completely, and totally CAN help it, and the pervasive notion that they can't is responsible for so many atrocities it makes my guts churn.

"I had to admit even I was less physically afraid of another woman, but it seemed wrong somehow."

SOMEHOW???

Also wtf is this attempt at dissecting internalized misogyny? Anita lives in a world where women can be werewolves, vampires, and so on, all of whom have super strength and senses. Werewolves can literally cannibalize each other if they're pissed off enough.


Claudia takes her hair down and both Anita and Bobby Lee are mesmerized. Anita says some bullshit about how spectacular Claudia could look if she put any effort into looking like "a traditional girl." Even though she is also transfixed by the sight before her the fact that Bobby Lee also is makes her dislike him, thinking that she had assumed he was "better than that." 


Anita natters on internally about how no matter how exceptional a woman is, she's still just a girl to most men. Yes, fair enough. From Anita though? Really?


Some tortured bullshit about different gender friendships blah blah fucking kill me. Claudia will be underestimated because she's a girl. Sigh.

Thursday, January 5, 2017

The Soultaker Entitlement

this is a write up I did for Onyx Path Publishing. since they passed on it I am going to go ahead and post it in case anyone wants to use it in their game!

The Soultaker Entitlement

Enjoy!

Monday, August 8, 2016

Cerulean Sins Chapter Thirty Three



Let's do this thing.

Here comes Nathaniel. I think Nathaniel could be a great character but instead he exists merely to absorb Anita's awfulness. And that's what he's doing here, trying to comfort her even though she is completely and totally in the wrong.


Anita randomly remembers Musette is around. Good lord how long has it been since the plot wormed its way in? Anita is also "head blind" thanks to all the magical woo woo so she can't use her powers.

Anita loves wearing a lot of different hats. One second she's a hardbitten bitch ready to throw down. Sometimes she's a dandy aping ornamental language. Other times she fancies herself an expert on literature, going so far as to randomly quote Shakespeare. In another book this would be a cohesive character. Here? Well let's take a look at Anita's latest hat, one labeled angsty emo teenager:

"Right that second it felt like the world should open up at my feet and swallow me down the great black hole that was eating through my heart." 


Anita, you brought this on yourself. Generally people don't like being accused of sexual assault after you expressly consented. You even said yourself that it wasn't fair, but that insight isn't enough to make you less callous. I find that very disturbing. She knows she's wrong, she knows it's unfair, she knows she's feeding Asher especially a sandwich full of shit. And yet it doesn't inspire her to change because she is a malignant narcissist and thinks everything revolves around her whether or not she's right or morally correct.


Nathaniel tells Anita that the men who were following them have caught up. Anita whines about how guns are her bestest friends you guys, seriously. Guns don't judge you! I mean, she could get a dog but then she might have to clean up its poop (no that's actually in the text). God forbid Anita care for anything, even a pet!


Anita talks about how she has to holster her gun so it doesn't rub against her breasts. She goes on a rant about how Amazons used to cut away their breasts to better draw their bows, but Anita doesn't believe that because girl power. SHUT UP. Oh my god, no. This is like when you tell someone you have abusive parents and then when that person visits your parents are on their best behavior in order to confuse and separate you from your ally. I know you to well to get dragged in to this, Anita. PLUS LET ME JUST SAY you CAN'T turn that bullshit with Asher in to a women's rights issue. You. consented. to. it. You may not enjoy it after the fact but turning on Asher and essentially calling him a rapist is unacceptable. YOU CAN'T FOOL ME, ANITA. As if you care about women in the first place!



Anita doesn't want Nate to get caught in a firefight so she tells him to stay behind. He looks as if he's going to argue so Anita says a bunch of disgusting things like: "I wanted him more independent, but mot stubborn. He was about the only person in my life that did what I asked, when I asked."



People like Nathaniel exist, with all of his attachment issues and everything. But this is not how you handle a relationship with someone like him. They've never once truly discussed this bond and its parameters. Anita isn't honest enough for that. So neither of them know what's going on or what they are, and Nate attaches to her in a supremely unhealthy way. But does Anita notice or care? No, that would require empathy and compassion. Instead she takes advantage of him constantly and feels not a single pang of guilt.



I think Nathaniel would be happiest in a total power exchange relationship. This is essentially a lifestyle wherein Nate would have a very subservient position relative to, in this case, Anita. Anita would make most if not all of his decisions. This type of BDSM dynamic requires immense work, maturity, and emotional intelligence if it's going to work. So Nate is essentially doomed, because Anita doesn't actually invest in anyone she claims to love.



Anita is so shaken up she wonders if she makes Nate unhappy.



She doesn't ask and calls herself a coward for not doing so. Well Anita, you're not wrong.


Wait hold on I'm sorry....but what the fuck is this?

"I went to find Bobby Lee. Him, I trusted to be in the line of fire. But it was more than that; I wasn't sleeping with Bobby Lee. I didn't love him. Sometimes love makes you selfish. Sometimes it makes you stupid. Sometimes it reminds you why you love your gun."

Did you know that a large number of firearms in the U.S. are used to threaten people in domestic violence situations? There's a creepy vibe to this paragraph that makes it seem like if things go wrong in her relationships, she defaults to brandishing a weapon. This is something that has come up in other chapters and I don't think it's an accident. Knowing what I do about how she's a serial rapist, I suppose this shouldn't surprise me. What LKH doesn't seem to understand is that she's made Anita the villain of the story when she's supposed to be the heroine.


A new Dragon Age chapter!

This thing is turning in to a novel! Please take a look here: These Particulars Are Not My Measure

Thank you!

Saturday, April 2, 2016

Tuesday, March 29, 2016

Just in case you guys like fanfiction, here is my Dragon Age fic (that just updated) Go forth and read!