Cerulean Sins Chapter Twenty Seven

Some of the GIFs in this post come from Incorrect Dragon Age, which is amazingly hilarious if you're a Bioware fan

"I entered the kitchen and found the phone on the hook..."

1) it's what, 2006 in this book and she still has a wired line?

2) As opposed to what? Where else would one find the phone when not in use? Oh, is this because Zebrowski called and despite it being a million years between then and now she's so arrogant she still expects his poor ass to be waiting patiently on the other end? It's that one, isn't it? That's the answer.

Caleb is here.

"Caleb was my least favorite of the new leopards..."

Finally, something Anita and I can agree on. Because if Caleb got through a single sentence in my presence his ass would be on a one way trip to the pound, no questions asked. Caleb is ten pounds of testicles in a five pound bag, tied closed with a hellish chauvanistic ribbon. But it says TWINK on the bag in block letters so we're supposed to forgive the contents because he's cute and doesn't wear a shirt.

Anita is a total hypocrite, if a poorly piloted skinsuit can be said to have personality traits. Also in Caleb's defense (shudder) Jason is exactly the same kind of creep, but he gets a pass because he gives Anita the D.

I need to know that Caleb has new nipple piercings and likes to walk around with the top button on his jeans unbuttoned. I love how everyone in this series is a fourth tier reject for Cabaret's chorus line.

Caleb also enjoys toying with his nipple rings at the slightest provocation and is all around the kind of guy that probably eats from a trough.

Anita is a badass investigator because when he hands her a piece of note paper, she recognizes it as the paper she keeps by the phone.

 

Anita doesn't recognize the writing, so it's probably Caleb's. Thanks for clarifying that. I wouldn't have realized, despite Caleb telling you he's there to take notes.

There's a message from Zebrowski, telling Anita that Dolph is out of the office for two weeks. I love that Anita is such an unrepentant narcissist that she's still faintly confused about why someone wouldn't want to wait patiently on the phone for her for like four goddamn hours or how long its been now.

You know, at least Caleb is actually being portrayed as a creep. Because he is one. He is the prototypical creep from which all other creeps derive. But I can't enjoy it because he behaves exactly the same as everyone else. The only difference is that LKH has designated him as perpetually up to no good--like colluding with Chimera, the big bad from NiC--so I am supposed to feel as though his sexual harrassment and general gross slimy squidgy existence is somehow naughty bad wrong, even as Anita and Co blithely go around committing sexual assault like they have a speciality business in it. I guess Professional Rapist wouldn't fit on a standard business card so she had to settle for Animator instead.

Micah sent Caleb to watch over Anita today, despite Caleb missing Chimera. This is how Anita describes Chimera, by the way:

"...Chimera had been a sexual sadist, a serial killer, and an all around very bad man." 

Caleb has also pierced his dick. We know this because Merle threatened to cut them all out if he didn't behave and go everywhere with Anita. Caleb has no idea why he's been assigned to do this. Anita thinks it's so she'll have someone to feed off of if the ardeur rises. Apparently Caleb's informed consent doesn't cross anyone's mind.

Cerulean Sins Chapter Twenty Six

"I got dressed. I couldn't remember if I'd gotten around to using shampoo on my hair, or only gotten it wet, and I didn't care."

Truly, Anita is traumatized.

Richard cut his hair and because of this I have to endure several descriptions of his beautiful copper gold rose amazeaballs hair that spills and spills and spills, and how his body used to go in to Anita's body and his hair was like extra amazing then.

Anita gets dressed.Someone knocks on her door, and despite Richard being on the edge of death she's worried that it's him. Whatever. Nathaniel comes in instead. Anita obsesses over finding her gun belt, because she can't put her shoulder holster on without it. The way she treats guns as if they're stuffed animals really freaks me out. What kind of shitsack do you have to be to treat deadly weapons in this fashion?

Anita is super sad, you guys, so sad that she didn't use shampoo or conditioner!

Even Nathaniel has had enough of Anita's shit. She tells him not to be nice to her or she'll cry, and he asks her if she'd rather he was cruel.

She basically admits that she doesn't see Nathaniel as a person but merely as a temporary pomme de sang, who can be discarded as soon as she doesn't need to feed from him anymore. I am apparently supposed to believe that Anita is having some sort of revelation about this, but since LKH is literally incapable of writing character growth I have no hope that this will morph in to something relatable.

Nate's hair gives this whole thing a weird Disney princess vibe, since those are the only people with ankle-length hair that can still make it look good at all times.

Anita is extra mad at Richard because he always comes up with new ways to make her sad. Remember this is the man that was just carried in near death. But no, it must be a cleverly orchestrated plot to make Ania feel bad!

"I opened my eyes and found Nathaniel close enough to touch. I stared into those compassionate lilac eyes, that soft, caring face, and I hated him. I don't know why. But I hated him just a little. I hated him for not being someone else. I hated him for the hair that fell to his knees. I hated him because I didn't love him. Or maybe I hated him because I did."

Here's the thing that occurred to me the other day when I was thinking about this wretched series: there are so many relationships and so much sex, and even so I never get the sense that any of these people like each other, let alone love one another. It's just so joyless. There's nothing about how they all work together to make their collective burdens lighter, or compersion. All of Anita's lovers want a piece of her, and instead of having their own standards and boundaries they all agree to this not-polyamory based on jealousy and possession.

They're going to stay at the Circus until Richard leaves the house. Zebrowski has been on the phone this whole time! She put the phone down, took a shower, bitched and moaned, then made the decision to go to the Circus, all while this guy waited? I hope he hung up on her.