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Wednesday, February 18, 2015

Cerulean Sins Chapter Twenty Two

Anita is too special to float in water that is merely warm. No, it must be "warm, warm."

Anita wakes up in a bathtub with Micah holding her.

Micah not only has a tragically huge penis, but a pair of "kitty-cat eyes."

In fact:

"I'd originally thought they were yellow green, but they were yellow, or green, or any combination fo either, depending on his mood, the light, the color of shirt he wore."

So I know a lot of people look down on those of us who spork the books of popular authors because hell, who do we think we are? After all I'm just an independent author with a single boo to my name, while LKH has a veritable empire at her fingertips. But you know what? I can safely say on my worst day on this fucking earth, I could do better than that.

This is one of those sentences that has so much wrong with it, I'm not even sure where to start. First we once again have blatant comma abuse that would probably get you killed in prison. Secondly, she says initially that she believed Micah's eyes were yellow green, implying that she then realized his eyes are some other color. And yet "or any combination of either." You know what that makes them? YELLOW GREEN.

Also Micah is just a walking dick with a big mood ring for a head.

Anita and Micah manage to inspire some writing that isn't totally without merit. As much as Micah is a rapist (of course, so is Anita for that matter), they're the only couple that feels as though they actually like each other. Birds of a feather, eh? Anita even says that Micah is the only man in her life that she truly wants to be with.

Anita has at least three lovers at this point, and Micah is the only one she's sure about? If you don't feel confident in your first relationship, adding more people will not improve on that situation.

Damn you, Anita.

There's some awful writing about Micah and Anita's beasts.

"They moved in our separate bodies like two swimming shapes..."

As opposed to the single body they like to use for special nights out.

Anita's beast suddenly helps her see that Belle Morte is trying to feed on Jean Claude. J.C.'s "failsafes" have kept him from harm, but it has backlashed on to Anita and probably Richard. Her beast has risen several times today so I am not sure why this is happening now, but whatever. Micah and Anita's beasts attack Belle Morte's shadow and it flees back in to Musette.

This is supposed to be an attempt at plot, but the problem is it just happens  to Anita. She didn't find out this information through something special or competent she did. She just happened to get lucky when Micah kissed her and their beasts showed up, and I am still not sure how that enabled her to see Belle Morte in the first place. Anita is supposed to be such a badass, but stuff just happens to and around her all the time. She's not the author of her own destiny.

Sure you will.

Micah and Anita talk about what to do and Anita asks for her cell phone, which Micah gives her. This isn't exactly riveting stuff, but it tells me something very important:

"Micah didn't make me waste time explaining myself."

So basically, she loves Micah the mostest because he never questions her or asserts himself or puts his needs before hers.

Anita calls Bobby Lee and tells him to put crosses on all the doors so the visiting vampires can't use their powers. Is it just me, or didn't they do something like this in the beginning after Anita stabbed Musette? If they did, this is annoying repetition. If they didn't they're all fucking idiots.

Bobby Lee protests because in this world you need to wrap a vampire's coffin in crosses to keep them from using their powers, but Anita says a room is really like a big coffin so it will work. That is the most incredible ass pull I've ever seen. Her vagina was already a veritable cornucopia; now her ass is a vast garden of wonderment and atrocities as well.

Micah tries to tell Anita that she shouldn't keep acquiring dudes if she can't see them as people with emotional needs, even when she doesn't need them to feed the ardeur. 

Did...did he just call her on her shit?

Oh but don't worry, instead of Anita gaining any self insight she'll just devolve in to Richard bashing instead. You see, Richard is a meanie mean poopy head who dumped her because she's "...more comfortable with the monsters than he is."


You are a psychopath. Your emotional responses are all blunted, you have no sense of guilt or remorse, you are the center of the universe and it is rightly so in your mind. People exist to fulfill your needs right up until they can't anymore, at which point you callously discard them.

Even in the rape scene, she immediately started blaming him for not fighting her hard enough. 

I can't. I just can't with this character.

What disturbs me even more is that LKH doesn't realize that she's writing rape. Many of her major players have committed sexual assault and she doesn't even fucking know it. That is honestly terrifying.

Also, Anita, stop talking about Richard's dreams like they're idiotic just because they're conventional. Plenty of people want marriage and a family and a house, and that's no better or worse than wanting your lifestyle.

Anita luuurves Micah because his balls are firmly tucked in her purse. He doesn't argue or challenge her in any way. He is Anita's perfect lover, because he has almost no personality and just exists to nod his head.

Somehow the rest of this chapter devolves in to Anita angsting about whether she'd take Richard back if he showed up. I don't even know.

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